she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
