I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
