My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
