I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
