how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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