Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
