I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
