Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
