I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
