I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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