this just has baby written all over it
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
