You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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