I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
