they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
