I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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