My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
