i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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