the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
