I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
