you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
