i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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