My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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