this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
