If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
