I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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