And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
