there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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