Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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