Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
