I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
