"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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