Pappa wants mamma naked
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
