we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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