I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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