New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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