The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
COCAINE IS GR8
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
