I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
well you can't waste a boner
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
