dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
