My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
