On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
