Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
