I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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