LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
