I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
