the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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