Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Hippo gnu deer
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
