dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
