when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
