Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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