piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's blow job season.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
