They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
