i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
third nipple confirmed
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
