Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
