Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
