she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
there is glitter all over my balls
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
