I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
