Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
