Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
