Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
